How To Master Your Emotions in 7 steps – Emotional Intelligence

Learning how to master your emotions is essential if you want to live a life that you alone can direct completely.

Having absolute ‘control and power’ over your feelings in any given moment is one of the greatest skill sets you can master.

It’s important to realize that whatever emotion you feel, you’re not feeling it because you HAVE to… you’re feeling it because you CHOOSE to. That’s right! You are the source of all your emotions – because you’re the one who creates them. You can feel any way you choose, at any given time. You don’t need to have any specific reason to feel good.

You can decide to just feel good right now, in this very moment – simply because you’re alive, or because you want to. Having said that, there are three individual forces that influence the way you interpret and determine what you feel.

These three forces have the ability to create any, and every, emotional state. If you want to learn how to master your emotions and choose which ones you feel consciously, you must first learn to understand these forces and how to use them to your advantage.


Whatever you may be feeling right now is directly influenced by how you move your body. For example, keeping your head down and avoiding upright posture would nudge you closer to feeling depressed.

With this in mind, whenever you feel negative, you can hold your head up high, pull your shoulders back, and take some deep breaths. The ability to put yourself in a resourceful state at will, is a trait that we all have.

Using your physiology to determine your state of mind, will help you make stronger decisions and improve your confidence. This will help keep you calm when you have to make a decision in an uncertain situation.


Language is something that comes in various and extensive forms – and one of these forms is your inner monologue, or the things you say to yourself mentally.

Language can deeply influence your emotional state. For example, asking yourself, “Why does this always happen to me,” will create a negative state of mind. But if you were to ask, “How can I benefit from this,” then you would see that it provides a more positive state of mind.

The words you speak are constantly playing a key role in your personal interpretation of a situation, and how that situation will affect your emotional state. If you find yourself feeling negative or down about something, take a closer look at your language and how it could be influencing your emotional state of mind.

How can you change your language, to turn your negative emotions into positive and empowering ones?


Where focus goes, energy flows – and results show. Simply put, your whole life is controlled by what you decide to focus on.

It is extremely important to focus on where you want to go and what you want to do – not what you fear. Next time you find yourself wallowing in a state of uncertainty, try to focus on what you can do in the situation, and how you can act to move yourself toward a more positive outcome.

Influencing your emotions like this will bring you less negativity and much more positivity. You’ll then be able to make tough decisions and unlock your greatest potential – to enjoy your life in every given moment.

Now that you understand the three major forces that determine your emotional state, here are the 7 steps to emotional mastery:

1. Identify Your Emotion.

The first step toward emotional mastery is being able to identify the emotion you are experiencing. This is important, because uncertainty about the type of emotion you’re experiencing will have you in a struggle to respond accordingly.

To help you learn how to better identify your emotion, ask yourself the following questions:

• What am I feeling right now?
• Am I really feeling this, or is there something more?

The more clarity you have, and the more you work on identifying your emotions, the more you will have to work with – as you move through this process.

2. Appreciate Your Emotion.

Resisting the emotion you feel is not healthy and can prove to make things a lot more difficult in your day to day life. In fact, resisting your emotion can cause uncertainty, and prevent you from using the emotion to your advantage.

On the other hand, appreciating the emotion you experience can help turn it into something you can use and work with as you move forward. Openly acknowledging your feelings – and searching for their potential meaning and significance is truly important. For example, maybe something suddenly came up and made you feel frustrated or stressed.

Instead of fighting the frustration, try to acknowledge that you’re frustrated and what specific circumstance made you feel that way. Once you are able to acknowledge your emotion and openly study it, you will be ready to move on to the next stage.

3. Analyze Your Emotion.

One of the most important things you can do at this stage is get curious. Curiosity opens new doors to different perspectives and opportunities. It helps you gain unique insight to your emotion and the circumstances you find yourself in.

Becoming curious about the emotion you’re feeling may lead you to ask yourself the following questions:

• What does this emotion offer me?
• What is this emotion’s true value?
• In what ways does this emotion serve me?
• What can I do to make things better?
• How can I get the outcome I want?
• What do I really feel and desire?
• How can I learn from this to better my future?

It’s important to remember that emotions are felt for certain reasons, so you’re likely feeling this emotion because it will beneficially serve you in some way.

Emotions can teach you valuable lessons about yourself and your circumstances. Therefore, you must be open to finding necessary answers to help you insightfully overcome the emotional roadblocks you are working through.

4. Get Confident That You Can Handle Emotion.

If you want to gain more control over your emotion, you need to learn how to be certain – and consciously choose the emotional responses you experience while moving forward.

It is also important to learn what you can about your emotion so you can manage your emotional responses more effectively. If you have trouble with this process, try remembering a time in the past when you handled a similar emotion.

How did you successfully use that emotion to your advantage?
This memory can be used as a foundation to help you pave a path toward a better future where your emotions no longer control your life. Instead, you consciously choose to respond with an emotion that can help the situation in a proactive way.

5. Forgive Your Emotional Triggers.

Emotional triggers can be people, places, or things that trigger you to feel a certain way. These may also include your friends, family, coworkers, and even yourself.

Maybe you feel sudden waves of anger when your friend does something you just can’t stand. Or, you get a sharp, aching feeling when you remember a situation where you could have done something differently.

Learning how to forgive yourself and others for things that may have triggered your emotion will prove to be key in helping you detach yourself from the problems that accompanied them.

The resentment, jealousy, or anger lingering inside you will ultimately disappear – if you can detach yourself from the trigger. Learn how to allow people to simply be who they are – without letting your emotions escalate and bring on negativity.

6. See The Bigger Picture.

Try to look at it this way, Everything that happens in our lives – whether it be good or bad – happens for a reason. Being able to analyze past moments and discern the greater meaning of a given situation means you have mastered the art of wisdom.

It may be difficult to understand at first, but as time goes by, you will begin to see a bigger picture for everything in your life. Even in the midst of an emotionally upsetting moment, trust that it serves an ultimate purpose, and everything will fall in perfect order.

7. Take Action.

Now that you have the information and knowledge needed – to be able to respond to your emotion in a healthy manner, it’s time to take proactive action to transform your emotional state for the better. The final step is to be excited.

You can now easily take control of your emotion, and prove that you have the capability to handle it. All in all, the way you respond to the events and circumstances in your life is what makes the real difference. You are always in full control of your emotions, no matter how tough it may seem.

You can choose to feel differently and consciously control your emotional state, nobody is to blame, because you, yourself, influence your emotions from the inside-out. Besides, why let yourself become crippled by negative emotions, when you can use them as an insightful source for positive action?

Mastering emotional intelligence is important, and over time, using these techniques will help you to do just that. Once you have completely taken control of how your emotions affect you and how you can change them, they will effectively serve as input. You will be able to respond – instead of react, and take action accordingly.
So what do you think?